Should you only care about what you control?
The Stoics divided the world into what is up to you and what is not, and argued that peace comes from caring only about the first.
- Reading time
- 4 min
- Difficulty
- Introductory
- Branch
- Meaning
- First posed
- Epictetus, Enchiridion, c. 125 CE, recording a Stoic teaching going back to Zeno of Citium, c. 300 BCE
The question
Epictetus was born a slave in the Roman Empire, and was said to have been lame. He later became one of the most influential teachers in the ancient world. His handbook, the Enchiridion, opens with a sentence that has guided people for nearly two thousand years: 'Some things are in our control and others not.'
Within our power, he said, are our judgments, our intentions, our desires and aversions: in short, our own actions of mind. Not within our power are our body, our property, our reputation, our office: everything that depends on the world and other people.
The Stoic claim is radical. Suffering, they argued, comes not from events but from our judgments about events, and especially from treating things outside our control as if our happiness depended on them. If you care only about acting well, which is always up to you, nothing that happens can truly harm you. Men are disturbed, Epictetus taught, 'not by things, but by the principles and notions which they form concerning things'.
“Men are disturbed not by things, but by the principles and notions which they form concerning things.”
Epictetus, Enchiridion, 5 (trans. Elizabeth Carter)
Why it matters
The dichotomy of control is one of the most practically influential ideas in philosophy. Cognitive behavioural therapy, the most widely studied form of talk therapy, was explicitly influenced by Stoicism through its founders Albert Ellis and Aaron Beck, who cited Epictetus. The serenity prayer echoes the same division.
It also raises a real philosophical problem. Is it wise, or even possible, to stop caring about outcomes, people and events you cannot control? And would a person who managed it still be fully human?
Key terms
- Dichotomy of controlThe Stoic division of everything into what is up to us, our judgements, choices and desires, and what is not, everything else. Calm comes from caring only about the first.
- StoicismAn ancient Greek and Roman school holding that virtue is the only true good and that peace of mind comes from distinguishing what is in our control from what is not.
- ApatheiaThe Stoic ideal of freedom from destructive passions such as fear, anger and craving. It is not indifference or numbness, but a calm based on correct judgement.
- Preferred indifferentsIn Stoicism, things such as health and wealth that are naturally worth choosing but are not truly good, since one can live virtuously without them.
- VirtueA stable trait of character that makes someone good and helps them act and feel well, such as courage, honesty or kindness.
The positions
Yes: virtue is the only true good
Only your own virtue is genuinely good, and only vice is genuinely bad. Everything else, health, wealth, even the lives of loved ones, is 'indifferent' to your happiness.
Partly: it is a useful practice, not the whole truth
Focusing on what you can control is wise as a psychological practice, but external goods really do matter to a good life.
No: caring about outcomes is part of a good life
Detaching from outcomes is a retreat from life. Engagement with an uncontrollable world, including the risk of loss and grief, is what makes life meaningful.
Arguments and objections
Yes: virtue is the only true good
- Best argument
- Since external things can be lost at any moment, a happiness that depends on them is always at risk. A happiness that depends only on your own choices cannot be taken away. This is not coldness: the Stoics held that we should still act to help others and pursue health, which they called 'preferred indifferents', but we should not stake our peace of mind on the results.
- Strongest objection
- It seems inhuman. Epictetus advised that when kissing your child, you should remind yourself that you are kissing a mortal, so that you will not be devastated when the child dies. Most people think grief at a child's death is not a mistake of judgment but a sign of love.
- The reply
- Stoics answer that the advice is not to love less, but to love without the illusion of permanence. They allowed natural first reactions ('pre-passions') and only rejected the judgment that a loss has ruined your life.
Partly: it is a useful practice, not the whole truth
- Best argument
- Aristotle held that a flourishing life requires some external goods: health, friends, enough resources, and not having one's children die. A person tortured on the rack is not happy, however virtuous. We can still use the Stoic distinction to reduce needless anxiety, while admitting that fortune affects how well our lives go.
- Strongest objection
- Stoics would say this reintroduces exactly the vulnerability their view was designed to escape. If your happiness depends partly on luck, you can never be secure.
No: caring about outcomes is part of a good life
- Best argument
- Many critics, ancient and modern, argue that Stoic serenity is bought at the cost of passion, love and political engagement. Martha Nussbaum's work on 'the fragility of goodness' argues that some of the most valuable things in life are valuable precisely because they make us vulnerable. A person who could not be hurt by losing anything would have nothing worth losing.
- Strongest objection
- Stoics need not deny the value of engagement; they act in the world energetically. They deny only that our inner peace should hang on its results. Marcus Aurelius ran an empire while practising the dichotomy.
Who argued what
- Yes: virtue is the only true good Epictetus, Marcus Aurelius, Seneca
- Partly: it is a useful practice, not the whole truth Aristotle, Epicurus, Martha Nussbaum
- No: caring about outcomes is part of a good life Martha Nussbaum, Friedrich Nietzsche
Variations
The archer
Cicero records a Stoic image: an archer does everything in her power to shoot well, choosing her stance, drawing, aiming. Once the arrow leaves the bow, a gust of wind may carry it off. Her goal, as an archer, is to shoot well, not to hit the target. Is that a wise way to think about exams, careers or relationships?
The trichotomy
William Irvine suggests the dichotomy is too simple: many things, like winning a tennis match, are partly in our control. He proposes setting internal goals for such things (play as well as I can) rather than external ones (win).
Go deeper
Stoicism and modern therapy
Albert Ellis, founder of rational emotive behaviour therapy, often quoted Epictetus. Aaron Beck, founder of cognitive therapy, also acknowledged the Stoic idea that our interpretations of events shape our emotions. Modern cognitive behavioural therapy teaches people to identify distorted judgments and test them against evidence, a recognisably Stoic exercise, though without Stoic metaphysics.
Schools of thought: Stoicism, Epicureanism
Related ideas
Further reading and sources
- EncyclopediaStanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy: Stoicism
- WikipediaDichotomy of control
- WikipediaStoicism
- BookEnchiridion (Handbook), Epictetus
- BookMeditations, Marcus Aurelius
- BookA Guide to the Good Life, William B. Irvine
- BookHow to Think Like a Roman Emperor, Donald Robertson
Open questions
- Is there anything you can truly control besides your own judgments?
- Would you want to be someone who could not be devastated by loss?
- Can you care deeply about an outcome without being ruled by it?